This is a tough post for me to write and I've been thinking about it for a couple years. It involves a sensitive topic and causes hurt feelings. I will preface this writing by stating that my husband and I are not racist or bigots in any way. Where these ideas came from, we don't know. I am sharing this to shed more light on the world of autism. The painful side.
My son with autism either fears or loathes people with dark skin. In other words, anyone with black skin really flips him out. It has caused many awkward situations over the last few years.
Our very good friends have five gorgeous children with dark skin and our son, at the age of five, didn't want to play with them. He told us it was because they were black. Unfortunately, everyone could hear his statement. I wanted the ground to swallow me whole. I was horrified. Where on G-d's green earth did he get this idea?
When I took him to the audiologist to check for auditory processing disorder, I wanted to run out of the office with him when I saw that the audiologist was African American. Instead, I silently prayed to the Autism G-ds that Gabriel would simply follow her directions. She asked him to sit in the room for testing and he freaked out. Stupid Autism G-ds rarely listen me. He screamed and yelled. I am positive he wanted to rip her eyeballs out. He yelled, "Don't touch me. You're BLACK!" The audiologist gave me a dirty look and I felt my face growing hot and red. I explained that I don't know where Gabriel gets his ideas and shrugged my shoulders. I could barely be heard over his loud screaming.
She explained that G-d made her with black skin and Gabriel was made with white skin but underneath we are all the same. Gabriel touched both of their arms and seemed content with that explanation. For a minute. Then he screamed again, "You're BLACK. Do NOT touch me." In my mind, I thought, "Gabriel why can't you understand that you aren't going to burst into flames if she tests you. Please learn some social appropriateness. Now. Right this moment." The audiologist wasn't comfortable with me putting the equipment on him and after half an hour of working with Gabriel (listening to him scream about her black skin), she asked us to leave and reschedule. It's been almost a year and I haven't bothered to reschedule.
Last summer, while on an elevator, he pointed at an African American couple and made comments about how they weren't allowed on the elevator with us. Elevators are small. They could hear every comment and forced a smile on their face. I apologized many times and they told me that it was okay. To which I told them that I didn't think his comments were okay on any level and I would take care of the situation. That was the slowest elevator ride of the my life.
When we found out that the gym teacher at the school is African American, we had to explain Gabriel's aversion. I felt like a real ass when I told the room full of teachers and staff that Gabriel doesn't like black skin. The coach at the school is awesome so it is my hope that he will get over this issue. However, somehow, Gabriel avoided many gym classes throughout the school year. I don't know if it was due to the skin color problem or due to gym class.
My dad, in his wisdom, suggested I refer to this as "color-ism." Gabriel is very sensitive to color. His issue with black is the color, it isn't some deep seeded issue dating back to slavery. It isn't from an awful joke or idea he heard in our home. He doesn't think that the other person is any less than he is, he just doesn't like the color. What this all comes down to is
autism. He obsesses about things and in this case, color.
I have a red living room set not because it was my choice but because Gabriel loves the color red. He can get stuck on colors when we least expect it. He would only wear red shirts for a long time. I didn't know how I was going to get him into a uniform shirt his first year. Blue or white were not shirts he would wear. The only way he wore it was if I wore the same color every morning with him. I have to get creative in order for things to get accomplished around here.
It turns out, Gabriel doesn't like black in general. I've asked if likes black cars. No. Does he like my black bathing suit? No. He was angry when I bought a black garbage can and a black dining room table. A girl can only handle so much red in her home. He is now 8 years old and has become more accepting of the color black and I can only hope it gets better. I am hopeful.
