No More Toddlers

The kids are past the little toddler stage. While their budding independence is incredible, I long for the moments when they needed me in a different way.  

Lane is usually exhausted when she comes home from school. I didn't waste a second when she asked to on my lap.  She quickly fell asleep curled up on my.  

We were content. 

Sleeping children

When Gabriel was a newborn, I was terrified when he slept. SIDS scared the jeebies out of me. I couldn't take the time to accomplish things because I was paralyzed with fear.
Instead I would work on the compute or watch television with him in my arms. I perfected one handed typing in a short period of time. I could not imagine losing him while he slept. I would even feel for his breathing while he slept soundly in my arms
I felt the same way about Alex. When Lane was on the heart and breathing monitor, I felt a little better during those months because the alarm shrieked any time her breathing pattern wasnt normal. I did not go out of the room she was in unless absolutely necessary
Once she was off the monitor, at 5 months, I started panicking again. I no longer had the reassurance of the monitor. I didn't sleep soundly for years.
Now that they are all older and stronger, I am able to sleep better. I even enjoy watching them sleep soundly. The way the worries of their little world fades from their faces and they look beyond peaceful
The other evening Gabriel curled up next to Alex in Alex's bed. My heart melted at the sight. The kids tend to cuddle with each other and I love to see them sleeping. Finally.