As my calendar turns from September to October, the reality of a scheduled surgery smacks me in the face every time I flip the page. If I want to schedule a dinner, an appointment, or an outing with a friend, the reality of surgery and recovery is looming on October 23rd.
A hysterectomy isn't a hesitation for me. I've dealt with problems for years and it is a logical option and a choice at this time. I've been in pain for years and it's time for the surgery. Full recovery should take six weeks at most, driving privileges after two weeks.
What strikes me harder is that just beyond a hysterectomy is my brain surgery. My neurosurgeon wants me to have surgery by March. It seemed far away when he first mentioned March. However, as I stare at my calendar, I realize I will be recovered by December. Then I will deal with the holidays and then in full swing with life through January and February, and March will be here before I know it.
My head will have a massive zipper scar down the back in less than six months and it doesn't rest well with me. My anxiety level is high, perhaps higher than when I faced this with both my sons brain surgeries.
Instead, I focus on accomplishing things I have wanted to do for a while. I conquered my fear of heights by climbing a rock wall.
Even though I am crossing off a bucket list, I also enjoy the little things in life lately. I tend to memorize my children's faces and listen to their little voices. I stare at the colors of the sky and notice the leaves on the trees. The warmth of the sun on my face is intoxicating. It really is a wonderful life.
