Winter Break: Week One.

We have had a busy, fun, and productive week at Mai house. The boys are off school until January 6, giving us lots of time together but not enough time to set up a routine. The lack of routine makes it quite an interesting time together. 

Last Friday evening, we went to the Winter Festival, part two, here in our community. The snow machine was broken a couple weeks ago so they held a second event.  We went to the town square and saw a sledding hill with snow at the bottom. 

We waited in line and watched other  children laughing as they held on tight to a plastic tube and flew down the hill, some catching air. My kids eyes were wide.  The kids made it to the top and only two of them decided to go on a tube, together. Down came Lane and Alex while Gabriel walked back down the ladder.   They loved it! 

Saturday was HOT.  It was late December and getting to the high 80s. I dropped Andrew and the kiddos off at the beach while I finished some shopping. 

Prior to our drive to the beach, we noticed the snow was still on the ground. It wasn't roped off so we jumped out of the car and threw a couple ice balls at each other.  This promoted Alex to ask for snow in all of Harmony for Christmas. (We weren't able to accommodate Gabriel's wish for a small "real" Toyota either.) 

After the beach we bought dinner and went to a free movie night in our community. We watched Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer and Frosty the Snowman. It was neat to watch the same classics that Andrew and I saw as children.

Lane convinced everyone to wear Packer gear Sunday for a hopeful win. It didn't work but I like the photo of her in her Packer outfit  

Sunday was also a Mommy-son day when I took Alex to see the Nutcracker for the first time.  We got dressed up; Alex sported a tie and belt. 

It was delightful! 

Alex thought that it was a little too long but he liked it.  At first he was concerned because he wasn't sure how he would walk to the stage from his balcony seat. I had to explain that he wasn't there to perform but to watch.  He critiqued the performers throughout the performance and let me know how well he could do if he was on stage. I have no doubt that he could rock that stage with more training. 

We stayed at home Monday. It wasn't our original plan but after a busy weekend, the kids seemed to need it. 

Lane has asked to go camping for over a year. Andrew had big ideas for camping with the kids for the first time but I was worried about the lack of bathrooms, pantry items, and overall comforts of home. 

We compromised on sleeping in the tent in the back yard. The tent was set up in the back yard, for the first time since we had children. Surprisingly, the tent is in great shape still! 

We went on a hayride through our community with some friends and saw the beautiful lights. We stopped and sang songs a couple times and now that my children can sing, it wasn't too humiliating. It was actually nice to hear their sweet voices belt out "Rudolph."
Everyone stayed in the tent until 7 am! Another shocking moment!  This allowed elves to get the majority of the wrapping done for Christmas. Perhaps this should become an annual tradition.

We spent Christmas Eve with our good friends, the Peplers.  We met when we attended adoption class in early 2004. There were four of us then but we met again as 11. They currently live in North Carolina and we were so happy they included us in their busy scheduled vacation. 

We met at downtown Disney and had lunch at the T-Rex.  After racing cars at the Lego store, we took a boat ride to one of the resorts. The kids climbed on a playground and played at an arcade. We also stumbled upon free lemonade and cookies.

It was a perfect afternoon together but six hours didn't seem like enough time together after years apart. 

Oh Christmas!! All of the kids were delighted with their gifts and their happiness made our day complete. 

Santa was unable to bring an escalator or a town full of snow for Alex or a Toyota for Gabriel but several other wishes were fulfilled.  The joy in our home could run the world.  It was amazing. 

Merry Christmas from Mai home to yours... May you have a blessed holiday season. 

I hope Mai kids will continue wearing coordinating Christmas jammies for many more years. 

Later in the day, we went to Celebration, our former town, to enjoy a Thai dinner. The kids decided that we should travel to Thailand since we will all eat their delicious food. If anyone is giving away tickets to Thailand, please let me know. 

We watched the snow fall and danced to the music before driving back home. 

Thursday, Mai kids and I straightened and organized our neglected home. They spent hours enjoying their new toys while I continued to clean and they had long lost interest in helping me. 

It's Friday again and we are beginning week two of Winter Break and with it will come New Years. This past year has flown by for me. It has brought new leaps in development for the kids as well intense challenges that showed me I have more strength and patience than I thought possible. It brought loss and renewed hope.  

Happy New Year everyone. 

Autism does not mean I'm a bad parent

I'm **almost ** positive every autism parent has heard a version of this sentence: don't use autism as an excuse for poor parenting. This thought comes in different sentences and forms. "Autism doesn't matter." "You just need a better routine." "You need to be more consistent." "You need to have different consequences."
If only you did this... if only you did that... are you sure it's autism, and not just YOU? (insert pointing at the parent) The unsolicited advice, the stares, the dirty looks, the rude gestures end up being too much for this ASD Mom some days.
There there are the questions that get forever old. Have you tried this doctor? Have you tried gluten free foods? Have you tried dye free? Have you tried essential oils? Have you tried this certain evaluation or considered blooms? Have you heard about this new therapy?
It gets old quickly. Unless I ask for your advice, and unless I think you've lived a piece of this puzzle, I don't want your opinion or your stare.
I read this on FB today on someone's status: Question to Ponder: If ADHD is an excuse for bad parenting, why is it the child struggles also in school where there are trained professionals (teachers, behavior therapists, etc...)??????? People we all have opinions. I suggest that we become a little better informed about subjects before we talk about them.
This status was on a fellow advocate's page. The advocate is much more seasoned than I am and I love this. I might use it at my next IEP meeting when the teachers mention anything I could do better. Or anything I should do differently. How about you look at yourselves first? The aggressive meltdowns are occurring at SCHOOL where there are train professionals taking a pay check! I'm "just" MOM here, doing the best I can to survive in these murky waters.
Please consider helping a mom with a special needs child. Don't condemn her or think you know her situation better than she does. She's living it and if the school can't get it together, how do you think she feels? (insert my name there)

Precious Moments

We have had several sweet moments as a family lately. Sometimes my kids stop arguing about silly things and deep down I see that they love each other. In fact, they enjoy each other's company. When it all comes down to it, that's a big accomplishment and I'm really happy about it. (Because it can change any time and usually does within seconds of me thinking how sweet they are acting) 

One day Gabriel asked to watch Thomas the tank engine videos after school.  Gabriel was obsessed with Thomas until he was 5 years old.  For the last four yeas, he has hated Thomas so much that when it came on the tv, he would scream that it was scary.  The three kids sat close to each other and watched several videos together.  What a precious moment. 

When the weather started cooling down, we took the kids to the local park. We played soccer and the kids took turns climbing a tree.  They each had various success but they all tried hard. It was one  of those easy going, no arguing, happy afternoons.  

It can be tough to make time for things like a park outing on the weekends but I am glad that we carve that time out.  We won't regret it. 

One weekend we took the day to go to a local beach town. We walked around the outlet mall together.  The kids got snacks and I found good deals on clothes. 

It was time for dinner so we drove toward the beach. We found some seafood restaurants and had a wonderful meal. The kids played in sand and laughed harder than I've heard them lately.  It was so easy to be together on the beach with the sand and surf and no one else. 

I need to savor these precious moments because we all know time goes by far too fast. 

Elf on the Shelf

While waiting for Alex to finish dance class one Tuesday evening, the topic of Elf on the Shelf came up. I admitted that we didn't have an elf at our house. My thought was that it's too much work. The holiday season is busy enough without adding a doll to the mix. 

The other parents told me stories about the joy from their children from their elves. They convinced me that it wasn't necessary for the elf to be naughty or for the daily flight change to be time consuming. I do not need a doll influencing poor behavior.  My kids figure that out on their own, thank you very much. 

I caved. 

Meet Snowflakey.  Snowflakey was adopted on Thanksgiving and joined our family for the holiday season.

Those parents were right. The kids adore our elf and look for him every day. Lane insisted on buying a skirt for Snowflakey. We decided that Santa elves can switch from boy to girl without a problem. 

The story of the Elf on the Shelf tells the children that the elf filed to the North Pole every night to report to Santa.  Sadly, the elf has not influenced my kids. They don't care that Snowflakey will report to Santa. 

At least they enjoy searching for our elf each day.  

Paint this!

We were given a beautiful round table with a leaf to make it big enough for all of us   The base has incredible clawlike feet but it was a boring ugly color.  Andrew and I transformed the table and we learned a lot in the process. 

We took the table apart and painted the base a light blue.  The blue reminds me if the lightest waves of our beloved ocean  It took a few coats of paint and I learned I'm awful with paint drips. 

If I thought the base was a learning experience, I had no idea what was to come with the table top. It took us a couple weekends to figure out how to stain the top a deep hazelnut. It's dark and gorgeous. 

However, we learned the hard way that you can't scrub the stain. It causes a huge mess in the wood. It took forever for the stain to dry for us to protect it with polyurethane. We might have to restain the top in the future. 

I painted the trim on the side a bright white.  After a few coats of white, I gave up on a perfect looking pure white and went for shabby chic instead. 

Andrew figured out how to attach the top to the base with the stripped screws and some missing hardware. 

I added white shabby chic chairs with blue seat cushions and I am thrilled.  It took us several weekends to do the work but we ended up with our favorite masterpiece. 

Two it is...

It has been a long process to find the correct way to help Alex succeed in the world. We have been at a complete loss and I have blogged about it before. My Mommy instinct alerted me when he was 3 1/2 years old. He is now 7 years old, almost 7 1/2.
At age three, he had a difficult time complying. He was becoming a middle child with siblings who needed therapy on either side of him. The doctor told me that he mimicked his brother who is 20 months older and I was consumed with a baby who had many medical needs at the time. I suppose that is somewhat true since his sister quit breathing at a moment's notice and needed my immediate attention. But still, he didn't interact with other kids and he seemed much more challenging than other children his age. I took him to play dates 3-5 days a week and he rarely left my side. I thought I must be overly sensitive to special needs since my other son was recently diagnosed with autism. Alex had good eye contact and had an amazing vocabulary.
Then age four came and Alex attended Pre-K. I adored Gabriel's preschool teacher and she become my friend so it wasn't a question that Alex would attend the same school. His teacher had a classroom with half typical students and half non-typical students. She had a small class with two attentive assistants.
Alex had a very difficult time adjusting to Pre-K. He screamed each of the four mornings that we took him to school. He hit other children, didn't comply with the rules, and had a bad attitude about the entire process of preschool. Alex wasn't potty trained until he was 4 1/2. I blamed myself because like the rest of my life, I was busy with the other two children who were in OT, hippotherapy, aquatic therapy, and speech therapy. However, we managed to potty train him and thankfully he isn't in diapers any more.
His teachers noticed that he had issues with things. It was obvious but no one could figure out what exactly that problem was. I took Alex to the doctor and had a psychologist do an initial screening on him. Her answer to it all was - Alex is mimicking his brother. He is just an active four year old boy who needs a lot of physical activity.
I was left baffled. Surely, I wasn't wrong still, a year later, about my little guy?
On we chugged to 5 years old and we lived in Florida. Alex was placed in K because the programs are different here and rather than a transitional K in Iowa, they tend to retain children in Florida. Well, in any case, he started K and in January of that school year, the teacher sent home a letter stating that Alex didn't know his letters, the letter sounds, how to write his name, shapes, colors, etc... I was stunned. He was working on sight words at home and complicated math problems. I spent mornings in the classroom and many hours in the afternoon to help Alex learn to "show what he knows".
In February of his young five year old life, I asked the school to complete psychoeducational evaluations. I wanted an answer the meltdowns, the aggressive behavior at school, the defiance, and the social awkwardness.
At the end of the school year, around a table with a dozen people present, the school presented their findings. I was hopeful to have an answer. I received nothing. I was told that he had friends based off a checked list the teacher filled out. I should consider holding him back because he was the youngest child and he was struggling but it was only due to his age.
This time I was shocked. How could the school not see these significant issues? People around me reassured me that he was just an active, young boy. One person who is no longer a friend, stated, "what do you do wrong with your kids?" During this time, the liaison officer offered his unsolicited advice: spank him and he will change.

Alex's first grade year was a struggle as well. He made no friends. He didn't finish assignments. He had meltdowns and hated going to school. I asked his teacher if we should consider modifying his assignments or giving him social skills training of some type. She disagreed and Alex worked on his missed assignments during recess. He had no time to play or work on his social skills.
His teacher told me that Alex mimicked his brother and since he was the youngest in the grade, he was just an immature 6 year old. If I would stick to a routine and consequences at home, I would see an improvement. Since the teacher spends her day with him through the work week, maybe it was me. Maybe I was just a crappy parent and he was immature and that would improve with time. She asked me to consider retaining him in first grade despite his passing grades so he could mature. I seriously considered it because this teacher has tons of years of teaching experience and she knows 6-7 year old children.
Near the end of his first grade year, Alex was diagnosed with ADHD and OCD at a children's development center. He started medication and he seemed to improve. By improvement, he was able to comply at school and focus. If you want to know why I can't stand OCD jokes, it's because I parent a child with OCD and it isn't a laughing matter as the parent. It's a challenging disorder to work with, or against, as the case may be. He refuses to do many things because he doesn't think he will do them correctly. Have you ever watched a five year old work on writing his letters correctly? Alex would erase the paper so much, it would get holes because he couldn't form the perfect "D". He could not move on.
I worked on consistent parenting. I worked on consequences. I beat myself up for a lack of parenting skills. A family member suggested that since my sons have problems, it must be my parenting so maybe it was true. It can't hurt to work on parenting skills.
This summer I took the kids to Nemours Children's Hospital for Gabriel's EEG appointment. The neurologist looked at Alex mid-appointment and said, "he's on the spectrum too, right?"
Alex was working on his math workbook. He was performing complicated multiplication in a fourth grade book. He was fully engaged and didn't hear a word. He was 6 and doing multiplication in summer. Does this sound like many kids?
My face lit up. FINALLY! Finally, someone is listening to me without me saying a word. The neurologist handing me a stack of forms for evaluations that I've filled out a couple times before. While Gabriel had an EEG done, I filled out forms. The neurologist looked them over and asked me to make an appointment for Alex so we could start the process of figuring out what is going on with him.
Alex's neurologist appointment was two weeks ago. I'm numb. I can barely talk about it. I'm so torn. I have been fighting for almost four years to figure out how I can help him. I want an answer but at the same time, my heart breaks because I can't stand that anything is wrong with the precious baby boy who was born on August 9th in Miami. I feel my heart thick in my chest like I could rip it out due to the extra heavy weight I carry. I have tears in my eyes and I swallow hard so they don't fall on my face. I don't want my children to see me crying again. They will ask what is wrong and it will take me too long to think of a lie.
Alexander has significant markers for autism. He went to the OT and she confirmed the same thing with her evaluation. We only have one more evaluation to take him to and we will get the final diagnosis.
Today he brought home an evaluation his teacher filled out. His teacher's evaluation puts him on the significant level for autism as well.
I have two children on the spectrum. I am only waiting for the final words in a couple months. I do not know if I can bear to hear the words "autism and Alex" in the same sentence from a professional. It is one thing to know in your heart that your child has a disorder, it's another to hear it from a professional. It makes it final. It makes the reality jump in your face and you can't escape it and its implications. It means I have to mourn a piece of Alex that just won't be.

I'll be okay. He will be okay. He's still my precious Alex. I'll help my child and I hope some day, in the future, we can read this together and laugh. I hope he is able to succeed despite autism and with autism. It is my biggest wish.

Local Farmers Market

A local horse ranch hosted a farmers market. It's only a few miles down the highway from us and I wanted to see what it was like. Local produce was sold by farmers in the county. While it was small, it felt important to suppose our local farmers. 

I learned about a "you pick" farm nearby   I want to take the kids to learn more about vegetables, gardens, and farms. I do not enjoy gardening though I've tried a couple times but I love the idea of gardening and obviously love the fresh food. 

Gabriel picked honey, turnips, and purple beans for us to buy. Andrew found grass fed beef and I splurged on goats milk soap. 

The kids ran around playing on farm. I took cute fall photos with their props.

  

We took a tour of the barn and learned about the horses. The kids got to pet the horses and we gathered information about horse riding lessons.  It's expensive and the kids are busy with dance and school so we will wait a few months before getting involved in horseback riding. 

The kids thought that this slide was way cool too. It was a lovely afternoon.  

St. Cloud parade 2013

Alex and Lane were in their first parade on Saturday! The dance studio participated in the St Cloud parade and invited the dancers to sit on the float.  (Gabriel was too anxious to participate) 

We arrived around 9 am with the children's adorable JDC holiday shirts on.  It was a hot day in the mid-80s, and the kids kept their sunny dispositions. 

Mr Ramone, the owner's husband, sang songs on the top of a wooden cake he constructed. It was an amazing float. I don't know how he managed to create the entire thing himself. 

Later Alex practiced singing with Mr Ramone's deep voice and accent. Alex declared Ramone to have the best singing voice ever.  Since Alex will be taking voice lessons with him, I'm glad he feels that way already. 

Even though Gabriel was unable to participate, he was happy to collect candy to share with his siblings. I've eaten more than my share of cinnamon and butterscotch candy. 

It was a really nice parade and I look forward to seeing it again next December. 

Swimming with Manatees

Today was our annual day with my friend Tiffany and her family.  We are so grateful they take time out of their Florida vacation to spend time with us. Tiffany picks the best adventures and we have a great time. 

And today was no exception to the great adventures. Tiffany invited us to Crystal River to swim with manatees. Andrew has wanted to go for years, making this perfect timing.

We woke up at 6 am and got everyone ready for the drive to Crystal River, almost 2.5 hours away from our home. 

Gabriel had a horrendous time transitioning to the new activity from the van. Alex had a difficult time staying quiet and still when necessary. I want to blame  the fact that they got their medication late but I don't know, it might be due to having a bad day. 

We watched the mandatory two videos and changed into wet suits.  Egads!!  Wetsuits are tight and uncomfortable bits of clothing but wow were the kids cute in them. 

We had two mishaps that aren't even worth mentioning except that its something that would happen to us on such a neat trip.  The boat got stuck so our husbands jumped into the water to help free the pontoon. Later, when washing the masks and snorkels, the captain sprayed the alcohol and baby shampoo mixture into Lane's eye.  It isn't an adventure without a mishap! 

The captain found a young female manatee about 1.5 years old. She still stays by her mother even though she has a new calf and even learns how to care for the calf. Almost everyone on our boat swam to see the manatee. 

She loved human contact.  She pushed against the group and enjoyed being touched. The manatee rolled on the captains foot and had no fear of our group. It was amazing, to say the least. 

After Alex and Andrew swam back to the boat, Gabriel and I swam to meet the manatee. I became nervous when my feet touched the murky bottom. I have no interest in surprising a gator 

Gabriel had a tough time keeping his feet still but she went right up to his feet. I was slightly anxious about her grabbing Gabriel and the sheer mass of this creature was intense. 

The captain talked sweetly to her and told me later that the manatees learn his voice and will come to him as they get to know him.  The manatee's mom called her and shortly after showing her face out  of water, she took off.

Lane only got in the water for a short amount of time and didn't want to get in again.  Even though she can swim, she would have done better with a life jacket.

We also saw a dolphin and a small shark in the water.  The captain pointed out the spring and explained many aspects of manatee behavior and the river.  We also saw one of John Travolta's houses.  

After our manatee adventure, we headed to a seafood restaurant in Homosassa, Fl.  The food was great and we got to watch monkeys on an island outside the restaurant. 

Hooray for adventures with friends!