Piggies

Gabriel has wanted guinea pigs for a long time.  We finally relented for Christmas and Santa left a letter for all three kids along with a cage and the needed acessories.  The kids were so excited to pick out new family members 

The day after Christmas we went to the pet store and picked out two baby piggies.  As reluctant as I was to get two more pets and have the responsibility, I have to admit, they have grown on me quickly.  They are pretty darn cute.  

Even their little noises are endearing at this point.   It will be fun to get to know their personalities in the coming weeks.   So meet Pica Puppy (the brown one) and Mike Henry (the black and white one)....

Surgery number 8

Every time I sit down to write about a surgery I have coming up, words fail to adequately describe how I am feeling.  I don't want to come across as the needy, whiny person or the friend who is seeking attention either   Yet in some ways I do have some rare moments when I want to talk about my chronic pain and my fear of surgery.  I want to cry and be held.  Other times I don't want to talk about it at all and I want to pretend like I don't have a pseudo-tumor. 

Here it is --- surgery number 8.  Decompression surgery  

My brain surgery will be performed by the same neurosurgeon who performed Alex's surgery.  His surgery was flawless and gives me much hope.  My surgeon has a ton of experience with Chiari decompression as well. 

My fears lie in the fact that it is MY head. Brain surgery is much harder to recover from as an adult and I have many added complications and risk factors.  I've also witnessed my now eleven year old fight for his life when he battled bacterial meningitis after the same surgery developed a cerebrospinal fluid leak  

My complications have been added due to having IIH (idiopathic intracranial hypertension),   The mix of the two conditions has made me a complex zebra in the medical world as stated by three neurologists and a neurosurgeon. 

I have cerebrospinal fluid pooling and my dura is already thinning.  I have a liklihood of losing my eye sight and having my dura leak on its own.  

It is unknown what symptoms will be alleviated, if any after surgery.  Perhaps I will feel great!  Maybe nothing will feel better or just a few symptoms. There is a greater chance than other surgeries that I won't wake up at all or that I won't have my eye sight.  

Today I got the courage, after months of putting it off, to call and schedule the surgery.  I asked for a date in March.  I spoke to the nurse and we discussed the recovery time line and she wanted to make sure I understood the risks and possible complications since I'm one of their zebras. (Why oh why?!)   After we went through the risks, I said, ok Julie, this is the moment when I swear and cry and she said, "yes I know and it's ok."   I adore that woman. 

The recovery time line is brutal -- 3-5 days in icu; 3-6 weeks of doing NOTHING at home. If I've been a good patient and I haven't developed a leak, at six weeks I'll be able to walk again.  3 months, running will be allowed.  6 months - it's possible to see symptoms disappearing but it isn't until 12 months that it's known if the surgery worked.  12 months --  crap!!!   

It isn't the end of the world but I'm scared. It's my head.  He opens my skull and touches my brain!  He even removes a teeny tiny portion   What if that's the portion that makes up the charismatic part of me?!  

Until March, I'll keep on my brave face to the world. Unless you're with me in that unfortunate, crumbling moment, and you see the tears, we will get past it quickly because  I know I'm not a cute crier and I want to continue to love life with all I have right now