Letter From Mama Bear

A few weeks ago, Gabriel hit another child at school. I was so disappointed in his impulsive behavior and sad that he had to deal with the consequences of his behavior.
When I took Gabriel on his field trip to Epcot, he was thrilled to see two of his classmates, who happen to be twins. He ran up to them excitedly and said hello to them. The mother wasn't smiling and she was unapproachable. She asked me to repeat my son's name and I did. She then launched into a tirade about how much she didn't appreciate Gabriel hitting her son, completely taking me aback, due to the lack of consideration of our children and the inappropriateness of the conversation.
While I am grateful for honesty, a field trip was not an appropriate location for this type of conversation. The conversation then lead to a transitional meltdown for about an hour. Poor Gabriel's mood was dashed after this mother discussed a negative moment with me in front of him.
Gabriel was able to turn himself around for the rest of the day, but as we left, he saw the twins and the mother and had another long meltdown. He expressed his emotions well and it was clear that her comments were a direct cause of his discomfort.
As his Mama Bear, I wanted to yell at her and tell her what a bitch I thought she was for causing such overwhelming anxiety in my child. We all know that he shouldn't hit anyone. No one thinks that behavior is justified or acceptable but her comments weren't acceptable either.
Something softened my heart while I talked to Gabriel and comforted him. I looked at the other mother and she looked overwhelmed herself. I never saw her smile. Her expression was tense.
What she did was wrong but I don't know what is going on in her world. I decided to write a short letter to her in the hopes that she will learn another way to express her grievances. I am unsure if it will be received well but I can only try to reach out to her.

Thank you for voicing your concern regarding an incident that involving our children. I appreciate that you took time to talk to me. I am always available to discuss autism and how it affects my children. I can be reached at 407-764-8585. Please consider discussing issues with me without the children within ear's shot.

As you know, we both have to deal with autism and the issues it creates. We have added stressors as special needs parents. I hope we can work through these issues together and be on the same side. I believe it will make us all stronger. I look forward to discussing issues openly to create solutions.

A little background on Gabriel: He was in chronic, severe pain for a year. (or longer, we are unsure) This affected his behavior and impulse control. I sought specialists and begged for help. He had two brain surgeries this past summer and contracted bacterial meningitis. He was in the PICU for a span of five weeks. (my friend's daughter passed away from the same illness). It took months for him to return to his baseline.

Though this doesn't explain his behavior with your son in its entirety, I hope it sheds some light on what Gabriel has experienced. He has made incredible progress academically, behaviorally, and emotionally over the last six months.

We rarely experience aggressive behavior and we were upset that something occurred. (all I could imagine was another brain surgery and how your son felt) We addressed the situation at home. However, we do not know the antecedent and we were not at the school to witness it.

Thank you again for addressing your concerns.

Sincerely,

Jessica