18 Years

Andrew has never failed to buy flowers for every day occasions and special days. Today was no exception when he walked in with 18 roses. Tomorrow is our 18 wedding anniversary. He handed them to me and said, "If we had a child right away, we would be nearly done parenting but we have this instead and pointing to our three little ones." He had a big smile on his face and it made me grin.

What a life we have had together so far. We've lived together for 22 years and we met 26 years ago. TWENTY-SIX YEARS!!
The roses are many colors for a reason. Andrew said that they represent our colorful life together, one that is never dull. Truly, that sums it up. A life that is never dull.
I will continue to joke that he stays with me because it's more expensive to divorce me. In the meantime, I will enjoy my 18 roses, my children, our pets, and our life together. Thank you Andrew for 18 years of ups, downs, challenges, and joyful memories. I look forward to this coming year together.

Soccer!

Alex and Lane have begun week two of soccer. They have practice on Sunday and Wednesday, making our week even more full but they love it. 

A new league is being developed in our community so it's perfect timing for us. It isn't competition yet and the kids are concentrating on learning skills.  Since this is their first time playing on a soccer league, that's ideal for us. 

The coaches are encouraging and have been able to get both kids in the middle of their games.  It's exciting to see them running after the ball while leaning how to pass it to a team mate.  

Even though it's midMarch, it's getting warm here. I packed lots of water with their soccer gear. Unfortunately I forgot sunscreen. I have a sunburn and the kids are sun-kissed.  I will definitely add sunscreen to our soccer bag! 

Sleeping Beauty

Since Lane was tiny, she has had incredible ability to fall asleep on demand. When she is nervous or anxious about a situation, she can make herself fall asleep. I realized her super power over two years ago when she took swimming lessons and always fell asleep on the way to her lesson. Always.
Two weeks ago, Lane had her annual check up with the doctor. She turned four years old the end of June and we got around to the appointment in March. Ridiculous, I know but it's happened, I've become happy to get the annual appointment done within the year of the appointment rather than within the week of the birthday. I'm grateful our doctor told me that it's fine as long as I bring the kids in once a year, especially since they are all seen by specialists throughout the year. (I should make a note that there is a positive to all of the specialist visits.)
Lane needed four shots at her appointment and I asked to space the vaccines out. I held her little arms down as the nurse administered two shots into the back of her arms. It was a rather awful experience to hold her down and hold her as she cried. Vaccines seems much easier when they were all smaller and less aware.
The morning of the second set of shots, I told Lane that we had to go back to the doctor. Approximately twenty minutes before we had to leave for the doctor's office, Lane fell asleep on the couch. I picked her up and carried her to the van. She continued to sleep in the waiting area and even on my lap when we went to the room. She slept through her shot and afterward she didn't remember any of it. 

 
This is a superpower that could be useful for many people!

I Crave

Alex was officially diagnosed with autism on Thursday. He is 7.5 and we started this  journey when he was about 3.5 years old.  We asked the pediatrician in Sioux City to start testing Alex and got  nowhere, though his preK teachers saw issues and couldn't pinpoint it.

We had numerous evaluations done in K that resulted in nothing in the school system 

 When Alex entered first grade, he had a lot of difficulties and we began independent testing.  The teacher didnt recognize autism and told me several times that if I was more consistent, I would see better behavior. (Do you see my eyebrows raised?).  Never mind that the medication we give Alex wears off around 4 pm, so he's much more challenging around 4.  Yes, you're welcome, teachers. I really do care about you and my child's success. 

I'm going through the same process of acceptance and grief as I did when we received the same diagnosis for Gabriel 4 years and 1 month ago. 

I'm mourning the loss of that healthy child.  The pediatrician declared my son, "the healthiest preemie ever."   I'm not exaggerating, it is what he said after Alex was born.   And he was a healthy premature newborn.  Thank goodness for the "take home preemie". 

Today I'm angry.  I'm angry at everyone in the school system who hasn't seen the autism.  I'm angry that the my child has to struggle with social skills, language development, fine motor skills, sensory processing, and more.  I'm angry at anyone who can't relate to me. 

I'm no longer the mom with one child but two children on the spectrum.  That is my new world. I am not exaggerating when I say - they both have ASD, be kind to me please.  (I am really thinking- for the love of everything, please realize that these are little boys who are struggling.  They aren't little brats).  And when you, the stranger, the friend, the acquaintance, reach out and you take time to understand, please know that I love you. I appreciate you. I know you took time out of your day for me by whatever you did, I just have NO time to tell you.  This might be it.  Those long letters I used to write that thanked you for your kindness are now filled with time dealing with research, medication runs, hospital visits, doctor calls, insurance arguments and more.  Give me time, when the school isn't calling or emailing me 3-5 times a day, I will find time for me and for friendship

I crave normalcy. Or typical interactions.  I crave it.  It is those moments when we are in public that I notice how "not typical" we are in our home.  When we have to leave a ride at Universal, I wish we didnt.   When my child is screaming because I won't count backwards from ten for the fifth time, I want normalcy.  

But this is it.  This is my life. Right now I'm angry because I was told that my healthy child isn't so, he has autism. I will go through the grieving process and embrace these gorgeous little beings.  It will happen soon, just not today, when I'm angry.  

Dr Seuss

The boys are celebrating Dr Seuss's birthday all week. They will wear crazy socks, red and white, fun hats, and more. I think it's going to be a fun week for second graders! 

It happens to be Gabriel's snack tomorrow so we scoured the internet for ideas. I liked the marshmallow and fruit kabobs (Cat in the Hat) or goldfish (One Fish, Two Fish) snack ideas.  Gabriel wasn't thrilled with them though.  We compromised with green eggs and ham. 

Little did I know that it would take three store trips to find the candy melts but it was worth the hassle because I think it turned out cute. 

The green eggs and ham are very easy to make with pretzels, m and m's, and candy melts.  It only took a few minutes to assemble and put in snack bags.  I was able to find a free printable for the snack bag here: http://musthavemom.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/Dr-Seuss-Bday-Printables.pdf, turned it into a topper and I was done. Gabriel eats gluten free so his snack bag only has candy melts and green m and m's. 

The boys also gave their classmates Dr Seuss  book marks that I found on clearance last year.  $2 for 40 bookmarks was a deal I couldn't pass up this past summer. I was thrilled that I remembered to send them in! 

Unfortunately, Gabriel announced that he hates Dr Seuss and Cat in the Hat so I'm a little nervous about his reaction to his coming week. 

Oh Sweet Librarian

I go to our local library a couple times per week. I borrow many books and videos to entertain and educate my family. The staff knows us well because we are there often.
We love our library. I love the idea of a library. Free books! Free movies! Free story time! Yeah, I love free too. When the kids were younger, we went to story time 1-4 times a week. We have had great experiences at the library and we have dealt with passionate, patient librarians for which I'm grateful.
If you were to look at my library account, you would see few fees on it. I am extremely responsible with my library responsibilities. Maybe I'm also cheap. Why pay for it when I can use it for "free"?
One morning, Gabriel had a complete meltdown one morning which involved kicking the lamp next to my bed. This action resulted in a glass of water dumping all over a library book. I was a bit horrified as I watched the water fall on the book but there was nothing I could do to prevent it from happening.
With much care, I dried the book and hoped the few pages that dried wrinkly would pass through the library system. It didn't. I owed $16 for the book and ended up with a book I don't really care to own.
I held my head lower than usual when I went to check out our reserved books. The librarian told me that I couldn't check out the books until I paid my fine. I pulled out a twenty dollar bill and asked for the book in return. When she handed me the book, I said, "It really stinks that I'm penalized for my autistic son having a meltdown and dumping water but oh well. At least I'm an active patron." The librarian responded. Wait for it....
"Maybe next time you'll be more careful." Then she stared at me because I had nothing to say. I stared back and waited for her to give me my change and check out my books.
Be more careful. Yes, the next time my son with AUTISM has a meltdown, I'll be more careful. Maybe I'll move him to that padded room in our home? Or tie him down so he can't kick water that I had near a book? What would you have me do to be more careful? I have an otherwise spotless record on my library account and you have the nerve to tell a mom with an autistic son to be more careful.
A friend has loaned me a book from her personal collection. I keep it safe in the guest room, away from all liquids. I would feel horrible if something happened to her book, though I'm sure she would understand if it did and wouldn't tell me to be more careful next time. However, it is the reason why it is taking me a long time to read the book because I'm not in the guest room most nights. I'm in my room where there is water and a child with autism.
For that sweet librarian, I wish I had the nerve to tell you that you need sensitivity training. I did nothing wrong when the library book was ruined. I use great care when I borrow books and videos and I felt horrible when a book was ruined due to my child. I didn't need to feel worse because you couldn't relate to me for one second.
I already walk on egg shells when I bring him to the library because he's loud and runs. He gets anxious around strangers. He doesn't understand how to react to the silence in the library. He doesn't know why he gets dirty looks for his overly busy body in a rather sterile environment. Now when I see you in the library, I try to silence my child and it makes the entire experience more intimidating for him. I wish I had the strength to advocate for my child everywhere and in every second. I feel like a weak parent when I can't stand up for him in a situation where you hold the power.