Omaha, Here I Come

I'm flying to see the women who held me together during the fundamental years of child rearing.  Those tedious toddler years when daily struggles could be the end of a mother.  Or the excitement of a child's first words and knowing that these women were just as thrilled for me as I was for them when their their child finally used that damn cup and not a bottle. 

If you have a child, you can relate on some level.  These women held me together.  If you're read my blog you heard of them.  They were there for me when we thought my husband had lung cancer, when Gabriel was diagnosed with autism, when Lane was in the NICU and so much more.   They held me together through the years.  When I moved away, I missed them with all of my being. (I haven't missed the snow and ice, let's not go overboard here, people... They need to get sensible and move to Florida) 

So I am looking out the plane on my way to Omaha to see my "sisters" and I am thinking in an not so eloquent way -- fuck.   What if this is it?!  How morbid.  I guess every day could be it but in exactly one month I will place myself under the skillful hands of my surgeon knowing I will have a 60% of not making it.  I'm staring out the window at the clouds and what if this is my last flight?  

I feel so cheated yet so blessed all at the same time.  What a fantastic life I have had   Not many people get to say that.  I've been surrounded by the most loyal and loving friends   They are gorgeous human beings and I am thrilled to be able to spend time with a fraction of the pieces of my Iowa world this weekend. If, by chance, this is my last weekend with them I am so lucky that I get to spend it happy and doing things I love. 

Then i will go back to Florida and spend the next month with people i adore and love them too. I wish i had time to travel to everyone important to me   I'm lucky I have this time.  Not everyone does and not everyone has the 40% in their favor   I'm going to fight hard to keep my body strong and eat some chocolate along the way.