Mother's Tea 2014

Gabriel and Alex were excited to invite me to their Mother's Day tea. For a couple weeks, Gabriel asked if it was Mother's Day yet. Gabriel's day became half days the week prior but I was granted permission for him to participate in the tea that morning 

I didn't anticipate that the change of routine after four days would make a difference for Gabriel.  The morning of the tea was met with a massive meltdown.  There was no way Gabriel could join us  

I waited in the hallway for Alex to escort me in the room. When I walked in, four children sat at a table with their mom or grandmother. I sat at a table with only Alex and an empty chair meant for Gabriel. It was a stark reminder that Gabriel is at a stage where he is overwhelmed by the slightest change. It broke my heart that I had to sit alone with Alex. It's just another moment in time when this teacher doesn't take my sons feelings into consideration. 

The tea introduced formal English tea manners and history.  Each child stood up and read a different fact. 

Alex tried two different kinds of tea and I doubt he will try tea any time soon. 

He also wouldn't eat many treats because there was a rule about pinching a piece of food off and savouring it for a few seconds. 

Alex gave me some nice artwork and we played an M&M game.  He was thrilled to come home early when the tea was done. 

Relay For Life

I was introduced to Relay For Life when a friend invited me to help her team sell pizza.  I had no idea what I was participating in but wanted to help and hang out with friends.  A week later I helped with a golfin event for her team. It was a lot of fun! 

This past fall, a wonderful dance mom friend asked if I would help her with St Cloud's Relay.  She gave me a very minor role.  It was perfect for me. I got out once or twice a month without children and also volunteered. I'm not sure how helpful I was but I was there with a smile! 

I had no idea what is required of volunteers to pull off the overnight event. These volunteers are amazing.  They put a ton of time and energy into a beautiful event for the American Cancer Society   I met other committee members who are inspiring. I needed that in my life. 

Our little town had a Paint the Town purple event.  Lane was thrilled to decorate our front porch her favorite color.  We used everything purple that we could think of and we had a nice morning together.   

The night of Harmony's relay was a blast for me. I was apart of a fun team and I haven't laughed so hard in months.  It was great medicine for me. 

If there's a relay in you, check it out.  Take some cash and buy dinner from the teams, walk around and enjoy a family event for a good cause.  You won't regret it n

Easter 2014

It's been weeks since Easter.  The Easter bunny didn't bring much candy and was generous with some small toys instead. The kids were happy. 

I've decided that we aren't really Easter people though. After the five minute egg hunt, the kids didn't ask much about Easter, the religious significance or social.  The little candy they received is still sitting in their buckets. 

They liked dying the boiled eggs but they were angry that they each only had four eggs dye.  

Alex was very specific in how he dyed his eggs and wanted each egg to have a name written on it.  Gabriel wanted to put the eggs in different colors while Lane was happy with pink eggs. 

Pickles?

Andrew couldn't figure out why the van smelled like pickles.  He pulled all of the kids things out and searched for pickles to no avail.  He asked me where the pickles were hidden 

I couldn't stop laughing. There were no pickles in the van. What was in the van?  Dill! 

The boys and I took Lane to a friends home for a play date. She lives on a gorgeous horse farm with a beautiful garden.  It's a home where I could spend days to recenter myself. I am that comfortable there.  Once you meet the family, its no surprise that they have created the most tranquil environment possible.  The family is gorgeous inside and out. I feel at home the moment I pull into their driveway. 

On the day of the play date, the boys insisted on seeing Lane's friend.  They picked strawberries and bunches of dill for bouquets.  Gabriel munched on dill, despite despising pickles.  

 

Apparently Gabriel left the dill in the van and while it baked in the heat, it left the undeniable scent of pickles! 

Teacher Appreciation 2014

In years past, I was very generous and creative the entire week of Teacher Appreciation week.  I didn't feel as generous this year. I've been extremely disappointed with the lack of compassion and understanding shown to my sons this year. 

One teacher has wanted the boys out of her room from the beginning of the year and to be honest, I asked for them to be moved before school started. The principal and the district wouldn't allow the move.
In meetings she made comments about how Gabriel needs a different placement. She never shares positive information with us. Alex has been left behind in his classroom twice. (Not a great thing for a seven year old with anxiety.) Worse yet, the teacher didn't bother to tell me that she lost my child.
These are the same teachers who asked me to keep Gabriel home from his Christmas play. He spent two hours sobbing in my arms that night and I missed out on watching Alex at the play. So, appreciation is something that's tough to show these two individuals who haven't stepped up to make my sons a priority.  

In the beginning of the school year, I borrowed library books for Alex that were second grade level. I didn't realize that the kids in the accelerated class were reading higher level books. Instead of explaining it to me, she assumed that Alex couldn't do it.  I quickly borrowed the fourth grade chapter books and he's devouring them. 

The boys wrote short thank you letters to their teachers. I think it was very telling when neither child wrote much on their card this year.  Other years the boys couldn't stop decorating and talking about their love for their teachers. So I say, "shame on these teachers for not finding the goodness and love in my sons."  They are wonderful children and deserved the teachers attention like the other kids. 

Instead of my week long gift giving, I got six gifts, one for each teacher who works with the kids  The largest gift was for Gabriel's aide who works hard for him and wants him to succeed. 

Really? A balloon?

The kids have been arguing and yelling about the most ridiculous things lately. While I validate their feelings and attempt to understand their young worlds, I was finally fed up with their lack of sharing.  It finally became too much when the boys screamed at each other over a balloon. 

The playroom had 15 balloons I had blown up the day before yet the boys could not share a blue balloon. Alex screamed about his favorite blue balloon and Gabriel wanted to add it to the collection he made with Lane. After ten minutes of screaming at each other as well as physical attempts to obtain the balloon, I snapped 

I wasn't going to simply take the balloons away. I grabbed the scissors and popped every balloon I saw in the play room. I didn't say a word and just cut the tips off those balloons.  

During the balloon slaughter, the doorbell rang. Our neighbor stood on the porch with a slight smile. All I could think to say was "would you mind coming back because we are in the middle of autistic meltdowns". Really, this is probably typical sibling behavior but since the kids were screaming and there was no way I was going to explain the situation. How could he not hear them while standing on the front porch?  

Apparently while I answered the door, the  kids banded together and hid balloons upstairs.  I thought about ruining their plan but noticed that they were working together and laughing.  They were laughing! Finally, some sweet moments returned to our angry, loud household 

Later Gabriel told me that they hid four balloons upstairs like the Easter bunny.  What a funny way to tell me about it.  When it comes to autism, it is nice that Gabriel, at age 9, sill has no concept of lying. 

Sometimes, just sometimes...

I know many times people don't know what to say to me about autism, ADHD, behavioral issues, chiari, and other medical issues we battle in our home. I get it. Many times it comes out wrong.
I don't want to hear that I was specially chosen to handle this. You are giving me super powers that some days I don't have and I don't want to live up to that expectation every hour of the day. I know that the person telling me just wants to be encouraging.
"God doesn't give you more than you can handle." I disagree. Otherwise we wouldn't have to suffer with suicide in this world. Sometimes these issues are just too much for me and I feel overwhelmed. I don't want to reach out for help because I'm told, "God hasn't given you more than you can handle."
Many times it's nice to hear and read about the positive stories. The ASD teenager who finds her voice through technology. The ASD adult who graduates from school. The child who is lost to the world but finds their way through therapy. It's incredible and I am so happy for those children and those families.
Sometimes those stories are painful. When I am still in the daily grind with the kids, running to and from doctor's appointments, dealing with intense meltdowns, speaking to school staff about the behavior challenges, making appointments, spending hours at school appointments, and more. It's a lot and I don't feel especially hopeful when we haven't seen positive changes in months. Right now I'm anxious. I spend hours researching autism treatment to make sure I haven't missed something to help my children. I'm desperate and worried about their futures.
It seems extreme but things are intense around here lately.
Sometimes, just sometimes, I want to hear, "I get it" from someone who has survived the trenches and is still battling the nastiness of autism. It is more comforting than hearing the success stories  A teacher talked to me about Gabriel's renewed interest in Thomas the tank engine. She has a teenager with autism and all she said was, "I get it. My daughter was obsessed with dragons. She's now obsessed with owls. We know every breed, every nest size, their life span, their scientific name, etc.."
Then she told me how her daughter had a dragon egg. Late one night, the daughter had a meltdown for hours over the lost dragon egg. She ended up driving to the church to meet the pastor in order to get the dragon egg at midnight. Yep, she "gets it." Because a NT child can find a way to get over it.  An ASD child will scream for hours and doesn't allow anyone else in the home to sleep until that object is found 

People try to relate to me by telling me they understand because their toddler has a temper tantrum.  My nine year olds meltdown is nothing like a toddler temper tantrum. I honestly appreciate the effort to relate to me but somehow it diminishes what I'm experiencing.  This has been going on for years and it's harder as he gets older. The differences in his behavior and that of a typical nine year old are more noticeable. And frankly, it's more painful now because I don't want him to have to experience the world in such a confusing, overwhelming way. As a three year old he looked like any other three year old throwing a temper tantrum.  That isn't the case any more. 
Sometimes, just sometimes, I'm happy to meet someone who can relate to my life. There is no judgement, just "I've been there, I understand." 

Singing in the Rain....

My kids are drawn to water, as I'm sure many children are as well. They love bath time, swimming pools, the ocean, and the rain. I had to take photos to capture some sweet moments of Lane and water.
When it was raining today, Lane excitedly grabbed her raincoat and umbrella. We left to get the boys at school and she was thrilled to jump in puddles and avoid rain in her face with her cute umbrella. 

Lately she has been fascinated with bubble baths. I don't know what it is but kids in bubble baths are so darn cute. She can play for an hour in a bath with bubbles. I adore her sweet smile and giggles. Plus, it's only $2 for a huge bottle of Princess bubbles so it's an inexpensive indulgence.