Sometimes, just sometimes...

I know many times people don't know what to say to me about autism, ADHD, behavioral issues, chiari, and other medical issues we battle in our home. I get it. Many times it comes out wrong.
I don't want to hear that I was specially chosen to handle this. You are giving me super powers that some days I don't have and I don't want to live up to that expectation every hour of the day. I know that the person telling me just wants to be encouraging.
"God doesn't give you more than you can handle." I disagree. Otherwise we wouldn't have to suffer with suicide in this world. Sometimes these issues are just too much for me and I feel overwhelmed. I don't want to reach out for help because I'm told, "God hasn't given you more than you can handle."
Many times it's nice to hear and read about the positive stories. The ASD teenager who finds her voice through technology. The ASD adult who graduates from school. The child who is lost to the world but finds their way through therapy. It's incredible and I am so happy for those children and those families.
Sometimes those stories are painful. When I am still in the daily grind with the kids, running to and from doctor's appointments, dealing with intense meltdowns, speaking to school staff about the behavior challenges, making appointments, spending hours at school appointments, and more. It's a lot and I don't feel especially hopeful when we haven't seen positive changes in months. Right now I'm anxious. I spend hours researching autism treatment to make sure I haven't missed something to help my children. I'm desperate and worried about their futures.
It seems extreme but things are intense around here lately.
Sometimes, just sometimes, I want to hear, "I get it" from someone who has survived the trenches and is still battling the nastiness of autism. It is more comforting than hearing the success stories  A teacher talked to me about Gabriel's renewed interest in Thomas the tank engine. She has a teenager with autism and all she said was, "I get it. My daughter was obsessed with dragons. She's now obsessed with owls. We know every breed, every nest size, their life span, their scientific name, etc.."
Then she told me how her daughter had a dragon egg. Late one night, the daughter had a meltdown for hours over the lost dragon egg. She ended up driving to the church to meet the pastor in order to get the dragon egg at midnight. Yep, she "gets it." Because a NT child can find a way to get over it.  An ASD child will scream for hours and doesn't allow anyone else in the home to sleep until that object is found 

People try to relate to me by telling me they understand because their toddler has a temper tantrum.  My nine year olds meltdown is nothing like a toddler temper tantrum. I honestly appreciate the effort to relate to me but somehow it diminishes what I'm experiencing.  This has been going on for years and it's harder as he gets older. The differences in his behavior and that of a typical nine year old are more noticeable. And frankly, it's more painful now because I don't want him to have to experience the world in such a confusing, overwhelming way. As a three year old he looked like any other three year old throwing a temper tantrum.  That isn't the case any more. 
Sometimes, just sometimes, I'm happy to meet someone who can relate to my life. There is no judgement, just "I've been there, I understand."