VPK

We decided to sign Lane up for voluntary pre-kindergarten (VPK) this summer. We had planned to send her this fall and wait for kindergarten even though she will be five the end of June. However, she isn't able to go to VPK in the fall because she will be five years old. Our plan also changed when Gabriel's behavior became more challenging. We want her to do something other than cope with her brother's challenges over the summer break.
I called 4C to make an appointment for Lane's VPK certificate. I explained that I would need to make the appointment as efficient as possible because I don't know what the day will bring for Gabriel. I asked her to make a note that he has autism and it was vital to swoop us in as soon as we arrived. She told me that it wouldn't be a problem.
From what I can tell, 4C also registers families for early Head Start, Head Start, and food programs. It's a varied mixture of mothers (there were no fathers in the office), from different cultures and socioeconomic backgrounds. I will let the reader develop their own opinion on that without my description of what I saw.
I am rarely late for appointments. I am the opposite - Andrew has influenced me to be paranoid about being late - so I am usually early. On my way to the appointment, about 35 to 40 minutes away, a Dr. called me about our last IEP meeting that she attended with us. She had several suggestions and a lot of encouragement for me. I knew I would be a little late for our appointment but I had to squelch my inner turmoil and remind myself that this Dr. is extremely busy and her time and knowledge trumped my timely arrival to an appointment.
I was ten minutes late. I walked in and apologized to the front desk person. I told her that I would be more than happy to reschedule if necessary. She was stone cold and unkind when she handed me the paperwork. Gabriel and Lane played well with the few toys available in the waiting area. I quickly filled out the paperwork.
In the meantime, a young mother walked in with her adorable two-ish year old. I watched out of the corner of my eye to make sure things continued to go well. Lane told Gabriel that it was time to put all of the dolls away.
If I haven't explained the autism mind of Gabriel well, this might give some insight. When his sister says that it's time to put ALL the dolls away and he agrees, that means ALL the dolls need to be put away at that moment. It might mean the dolls need to stay in their slots for the duration of our stay. At least he's picking up their mess, right?
The two year old grabbed on the of dolls Gabriel put away and Gabriel pulled it back from her hands. I crossed the little waiting area as the mom pulled the doll from Gabriel's hands and he explained, "but we have to put it away." She handed the doll back to her two year old. Maybe that was an appropriate thing for her to do if Gabriel was a NT child, I don't know. Since the two year old wasn't phased by the doll being removed by the older child, maybe it was best to just let it go. (insert the popular song "Let It Go" if you like)

When I reached the problem area, the Mom, Gabriel, and the two year old were yanking on this doll. I told Gabriel that the little girl wanted to play with it and he should consider giving it back to her. He started escalating and yelled that the dolls needed to be put away. (Oh crap, escalating is NOT a good thing lately) I inwardly panicked. The mom said, "it doesn't matter, he shouldn't take it from her." I replied, "I completely understand. Unfortunately, he has autism and I need to work with him on this."
The two year old didn't really care about the doll but she kept her hand on it. Gabriel yelled, "I want the doll!!" The mom says, "but you shouldn't take it from a little girl!!" I said, "listen, I'm glad you don't have to deal with autism in your world. I'm trying here. Would you like me to explain autism to you?" Gabriel continues to yell, "put the doll away! We have to put the doll away!!!" The other mom yells again, "you shouldn't take it from my daughter!"
I said, "YOU, miss, are rude." ( I really wanted to say "F YOU but I didn't want to get kicked out of the office."
I held Gabriel by the wrists and went to the receptionist's desk and asked where I could take my escalating child who has autism.
I kid you not - she said "the restroom." Gabriel screams, "I AM NOT GOING IN A DIRTY BATHROOM!" I calmly stated, "No Gabriel I'm not helping you in a bathroom of all places." "But there isn't anywhere else to go," she replied.
I wanted to bang my head on the wall or shoot myself. For the love of everything, the bathroom? I saw an area with an empty table down the hallway and took him there. While he continued to escalate, he hit me and kicked me. He wanted to escape the situation and I don't blame him but I couldn't let him hurt the two year old who wouldn't put the doll away. In his mind, that doll still needed to be put away. There is no reasoning and discussing matters like this. That's why it's called autism. It doesn't make sense to the rest of us. I don't know if I handled the situation correctly but I did the best I could given the heat of the moment.
Gabriel ran past me at one point and went straight for the dolls. I redirected him and the mom said, "oh, I can take my daughter to the other side so he can play here." I couldn't help myself and said, "Thanks any way but it's too late now. You made your feelings clear."
Finally the manager of the office came out and asked how she could help me. I asked her to please get the certificate filled out as quickly as possible and apologized several times. She offered books and stickers but Gabriel wasn't in the mood for kind gestures. Lane was thrilled with stickers though. It didn't take long for the paperwork to get filled out and we were on our way.
Where is that bubble I can move to where everyone helps and accepts each other no matter what their background or disability? I'm going there.