IEP Madness

I am forwarning any readers that this is a vent and a way to look for input and advice.

Gabriel and Alexander are attending the k-8 elementary that is .4 miles from our home. We walk to and from school together every day. For the first time in four years, Gabriel LOVES school. There are no tears, no arguments, and no fights about walking there. He tells me that everything is GREAT. I think a big part of this is that he is going with Alex. If you don't know, there were few days last year that weren't a struggle with the boys.
Alex is also doing well. We were going to put him in a transitional kindergarden in Iowa but they don't have a similiar program here. I feared he would get bored in a regular preschool program. I've seen a big developmental growth in him the past six months and he's far more ready than he was after PreK.
I digress..
Gabriel has been through a huge transition this summer and did fairly well. We got through it. We dealt with the autism monster when it appeared. We survived.
Now he's gone through another transition with a new school. Everything is new to him.. the people, the weather, the rules, the building... all of it. He even wears a uniform to school. We spent weeks talking to him about having to wear the uniform colors. Prior to this uniform business, he would only wear a red shirt and blue shorts. It was a lot of work to get him out of blue pants when we got here but I did it. Somehow. Somehow I got him to wear the uniform too. This is a HUGE thing for him and I am so proud of Gabriel.
We do, however, still call him Mario.
I talked to the teacher and wrote a long letter about what to do to help him. He was placed with an ESE (exceptional student education) teacher. She told me that she could handle him. I told her to use his elephant, weights, writing aides, etc to help him organize is world. None of the things have been opened or used this past week. I have been told that everything is going fine this week. In Gabriel's words, he is on green and everything is GREAT.
I see his teacher every morning, despite the fact that the school has fought me about dropping him off at the room.
Gabriel is a runner. If he isn't delivered to a teacher or para (aide), he has the potential of running out of the area. It's in his IEP (individualized education plan - see what you're missing if you have a typical child?) I've been fighting for the right to keep him safe.
Every morning and afternoon I go to the administrative office. I talked to an assistant principal who assured me everything was in place for him and they were working on things. I didn't talk to the special ed coordinator until Friday. FRIDAY... I filled out forms, I left my number and name, and it took until FRIDAY.
And so... another parent didn't show so she had time for me. Apparently the county read Gabriel's IEP and decided he should be transferred to another school because this school doesn't have a secluded room for him. Um, ok. I bit my lip, my way to keep the tears at bay and to suppress my anger. The school is 45 minutes from our home. I asked if Alex would be able to attend the new school - "we think so but we aren't sure."
The option of bussing him was given to me and there is NO way I am putting my anxious child on a bus for 2 hours a day. It's not happening and it's unfair to expect this 6 year old to sit on a bus that long. There are closer schools but they think this would be a good match.
So I explained the importance of having his sibling in the same building. I explained that I can not get them to two places at the same time. I explained that I want Gabriel at an A rated school with a low free lunch ratio. I've done the low income school and it's fine but I don't want to fight with other things besides my child's education. I'm not up for it.
In any case, I was told that Gabriel can only be understood 30% of the time, he is only compliant 60% of the time. He is licking the carpet. He cried. WHAT? NO ONE told me this... why isn't it in his daily planner that he brings home. Why didn't someone tell me so I could help? He "graduated" from speech in Iowa. My guess is that he was anxious or overwhelmed and needed his aides to make sense of his world.
I can not tell if the school is unable to accomodate him or if they are unwilling to do so. They haven't moved him closer to the teacher. They put him next to the speaker in the cafeteria. They refer to him as an "extreme case" which I'm confused because I've seen more profound students in the building.
If Gabriel were in Iowa, he would be in a typical classroom and pulled out for some services. He was in his general ed room 80% of the time. I fear that if he is transitioned to another school, he won't be as happy as he is now. If he's with children who have tougher issues and he isn't mainstreamed, I know we will see him regress. I know my child and this is not a good suggestion for him.
I am having a tough time removing myself emotionally from the situation. He's my first baby and I have to protect him and advocate for him. I had no idea it would be this tough.
I need to figure out what our rights are with his IEP. Do I have to move him to another school? Do I want to keep him at a school that doesn't want him? Should I consider homeschooling? Do I muddle through the year in order to get the McKay Scholarship to send him to a private school next year?