Strabismus Surgery - expotropia

We were told that Lane would need eye muscle surgery after she turned four years old. Unfortunately, when we went for a check up at the pediatric ophthalmologist, it was determined that Lane lacked muscle control and her eyes had gotten worse. She had a high liklihood of losing vision if she continued with the poor muscle control. We had already tried patching and it didn't help at all. To err on the side of conservative, her doctor decided that surgery needed to be done prior to this coming summer. It was a disappointment for us as we weren't expecting it yet.
As the surgery date grew near, my anxiety and fear rose. The lack of control over the surgery was daunting to me. I also didn't want my tiny three year old daughter to feel pain and fear. I would take her place if it was at all possible. Deep in the recesses of my being, I knew everything would be okay but I am an emotional being and it was impossible to shake my anxiety.
Thankfully I am friends with a (former) child life specialist. She was kind enough to send an email full of ideas to help Lane understand her surgery. I am grateful for her ideas because I know that what I did, based on that email, helped her a lot. We practiced the mask on a doll and on each of the children before our departure. She giggled as the pink plastic cup touched her precious face.
Our plan was to divide and conquer the day. I would take Lane to the children's surgery center an hour away while Andrew took care of the boys and their school schedule. Our friend (and babysitter) lives near the surgery center and offered to help me during the surgery and recovery time.
The morning of the surgery arrived and Lane cried because she wanted her "big family" with her. She was incredibly disappointed that her brothers weren't coming with her. We wanted her to be as calm as possible so we called the school to let the teachers know that the boys wouldn't be at the school. She was much happier when we all traveled with her to the surgery center.
Shortly after our arrival, Lane and I were called back to prep for surgery. Lane put on a little gown. She was not happy that the gown had tigers on it and talked to the nurse about changing the gowns to include more girly options. She decided that butterflies, horsies, or purple would be a much better choice. I had her baby and blanket her Granny made for her with us. She asked for her princess blanket right away. Her vitals were taken and she was such a brave, happy girl. My stomach was churnng but she didn't have any idea that I wanted to curl up in a hole and emerge three hours later.

We talked to the anesthesiologist about practicing with a mask and she thought that was a great idea. Apparently it isn't the norm to practice with the mask. She brought us a chocolate flavored mask to play with while we waited. I had no idea that the masks have a flavoring choice now!

Lane did a great job until she was given versed. She spit it out and cried. I was told that it tastes terrible. Unfortunately, we had to hold her down to administer it through her nose.
Another sweet nurse arrived and carried Lane to the operating room. She was going to put her in the bed but the doctor said that Lane was too smart to put in the bed and they needed to carry her there. As they carried her away, I quietly said, "please take good care of my princess."
I went to the waiting room where Andrew had returned with the boys after taking them to breakfast and the pharmacy. Renee had Starbucks for me. What a treat! It would take 45 minutes to cut the muscle in her eye and leave two small stitches.
It didn't seem like 45 minutes when they called my name to go back and get her. Lane was not a happy camper when I got to her bed. She was stiff and crying. I held her in the rocking chair, soothing her, trying to calm my sweet baby girl down. Soon she was snoring and the nurse brought juice and a popscicle. I was asked to get her dressed and moving. Even while I dressed her, she continued to sleep. She didn't want to eat or drink. Despite that, the nurse discharged Lane.
I carried a sleepy, uncomfortable child to the van. It wasn't easy to strap her into the car seat, knowing that in my arms was a better place for her. Alex and Gabriel were upset about their sister. Alex cried because Lane was in pain. On the way home, I held Lane's head up while she slept and gagged from nausea. Even though I was warned about bloody tears, the sight of them was startling. I was glad that the circumstances allowed me to sit in the back of the van with her rather than being stuck driving home while she was miserable.
When Lane was finally awake, she asked Daddy for a cake pop. She remembered that she was going to get one after her surgery. Oops - we didn't have one. Andrew went to the convenience store for donuts and that was a fair trade in her eyes.
She also had double vision when she woke up. She thought it was funny that there were two doors and two televisions in our bedroom. It has been difficult to wash the blue "yes" above her right eye that the doctor wrote there. It is a stark reminder to what we went through one morning.
It is the day after surgery and she is doing well. She is an active, busy three year old. We've already created art work, played with cars, and played a duck game. I have to remind her that she can't run and climb today. Lane's eye is bloodshot and we were told that it will look worse before it looks better. It will take three weeks for her eye to heal but we should be able to tell if the surgery worked before that time.
I sincerely appreciate the well wishes and encouragement. A surgery for my child is a frightening thing and I hope we don't have to face another surgery for a long time.