What you Should Say to Autism Parents (list from Autism Island)

Here is a blog that is brand new to me. I was browing through Autism Island and found this post about 50 Things You Should Say to Autism Parents. It is so well written and I hope she doesn't mind that I have posted it here. I like this list because it is not only what someone should say to a parent with a child with autism, it is what I want someone to ask or say to me. While I appreciate firends who try to relate to me, they really can't. Sometimes they say things that are insensitive or cruel without realizing it. They would be shocked if I told them how hurt I was by their comments but I can't tell them, because it would only cause more hurtful feelings. So.. maybe this list will help. And wow, I wish I had someone who could step in and help with the kids. I can't sign my child up for classes or camps like other parents. I have to explain autism when I call for camp information. I'm usually told that the camp is unprepared to handle a child like my son. Or I am welcome to stay through the class with him. As grateful as I am for these opportunities for my son, it isn't the experiences I want for him or for me. Our entire household has to revolve around what he is capable of doing and handling. If he has therapy, we all go in the car and to the appointment. I pack activities and snacks for everyone. If he has a class, we do the same thing. His siblings haven't been able to take a class on their own without him because he can't understand why he isn't included too. He isn't content on the sidelines while his siblings do something without him. This isn't a behavior issues - this is autism. I'm sure this list applies to other special needs as well. I hope this list opens doors for many people who struggle with "what to say"... here it is... what to say to US. http://www.autism-island.com/2012/04/50-things-you-should-say-to-autism.html?m=1 So here it is, in random order, 50 things you should say to autism parents. How can I help? That must be really difficult. I think she is beautiful. How can I help stop bullying? Please don’t feel embarrassed, we understand. I know you are working around her routine, special diet, sensory needs, therapy, etc. so what works for you? You’re a great parent. Have I ever hurt your feelings talking about autism? I'm sorry. Please help me understand. "Hi _________ (child's name) how are you?" - Talk to the person with autism, not around them. No need to apologize, I understand. Can I help you with your other kids while you help your son? Can you teach me some ways to work with her? Wow, I can see why that might be a small thing for the typical kid, but for your son that is huge. Congrats! I admire how much work you've done with him. Follow your mother’s intuition. Can I join your Autism Speaks walk team? He is so smart. You know your child better than anyone, including: doctors, therapist, teachers, aides, etc. What’s the best way for my child to play with yours? I'm sure they will be great friends once they get to know each other. How should I explain autism to my kids? Let me be a shoulder to cry on. You’re a good mom, especially on your hardest days! Don't say anything. Sometimes a hug is all we need. How can I help your daughter feel more comfortable? She is uniquely wonderful! I understand parenting a child with autism can be completely different from parenting the typical child. She has made so much progress. His IEP is really working. I'm glad I've been sticking to it. I know it is hard for you to find a sitter, so how about we come over to your house after bedtime for some adult time. I don’t care if your kid turns the lights on and off a billion times, is obsessed with our washing machine, or ________ (insert random behavior here), he is welcome here any day. Who cares if she has a pacifier/blanket/stuffed animal/etc. It makes her feel more comfortable. That's all that matters. Hey, I think clothes are annoying too. We know he is a good boy, this is an overwhelming situation. Let's get your son a buddy/aide so he can participate too. "Normal" is overrated. I’m glad your family goes out in public! You need to live your life to the fullest too. Tell me about autism. Does your son have any diet restrictions? What therapy and treatments have worked for your son? I was thinking of you. I don't know much about autism and all you go through, but I know a good diet coke (or glass of wine) helps! - Here, enjoy! How well does the school accommodate your daughter? It's not your fault. I think __________ (insert child’s obsession here) is pretty cool too. Do you need a babysitter? Because I'd love to help. Let me hold that/watch them for you while you run after him. I know that every child with autism is different, tell me about yours. I’ve heard kids with autism are the hardest to potty train. What should I do to prepare for your visit? Is there anything I should put away or details I should know? I know you just want someone to talk to. So I will listen without trying to solve your problems. Really? Insurance companies don’t cover autism? I’m going to write my legislator tonight to change that! I want to talk to you about autism and I want to make sure I'm sensitive to your feelings. If I say anything that upsets you please let me know so I can understand your perspective